CamiCrew wrote:Jill - this is brilliant. The Davina Plumb paragraph in particular.
Thank you Barbara - only another 27 episodes to go.
The Pink Star Heist - Episode Five
Jill wrote:Jill, have you seen Plummy’s pet hamster
Are you referring to Plummy’s rather cute looking avatar - perhaps he kept a hamster as a pet when he was a boy
Yes I am Jill and let me assure you, there’s nothing at all cute about the beast …
When Plummy called us in after the robbery and whilst I was double checking the contents of the safe, I heard him say to you, “ I would love to go back to Boston next year with a Crash B hamster. “
Everything fell into place then - Plummy is planning to enter a giant Mancunian hamster, ( at one time thought to be extinct ) at the 2017 Crash B’s for giant hamsters
Mb, I never drink spirits but I can always make an exception. Please excuse me for a moment, whilst I help myself to this bottle of whisky. Glug, glug, glug, glug - glug, glug, glug, glug glug - glug, glug, glug, glug - glug, glug, glug, glug, glug. Hic
Pleash gwon Mb Hic
Shient hamshster. Yesh? Hic
Jill, I don’t think you’re taking this seriously enough …
Mb, I don’t think I’m the only one …
Humph ...
Sorry Mb. Explain away.
Giant Mancunian hamsters are dangerous animals - don’t be fooled by Plummy’s avatar. These fierce furries can grow to a height of 5 feet and weigh anything from 15 to 20 stone - the only way to control them and gain their trust is to keep feeding the creatures endless supplies of a local delicacy called Manchester tart. This confectionary is as much prized and sought after as a truffle, which makes it very expensive indeed …
Plummy is training/coaching the hamster - they love rowing - well, you try persuading a 20 stone cricentus cricentus giganticus to run inside a large plastic sphere. It must be costing Plummy a small fortune, so, here are the main things that I think he would have to spend shedloads of money on:
1. Hamster food including the cost of shipping it out to Boston.
2. Damage to his or any neighbour’s property if the hamster escaped.
3. Large escape proof accommodation for the hamster, here and in Boston.
4. An erg made of titanium - it would take an angry hamster ( usually if their sub3 2000k isn’t going
too well ) about 5 minutes to trash any other model.
5. All giant hamster racing is illegal - bribing the right sort of individuals to organise a race, which
would include a suitable venue, without the authorities finding out, doesn’t come cheap.
6. Any one caught giant hamster racing will be hit with huge fines.
7. A private plane, that will be able to take off from and land at a private airfield.
8. Hush money for the neighbours - see 2.
9. Enormous amounts of money for betting - the common giant hamster will never be a match against a
Mancunian.
So, Plummy’s second motive is financial - having stolen your Stars as revenge, ( motive number one ) he can now sell them ( he’ll have contacts ) to dealers and collectors for mega bucks in order to finance his racing ambitions for the hamster.
Mb, I think I’m losing the will to live - what was it I said to you earlier
Oh yes.
Jill wrote:Mb, I hope this doesn’t mean we’re going to have to listen to some of your crackpot and far-fetched theories
Mb this theory of yours has one very obvious snag … I’ll go and make us both a cup of tea and when I come back, I’ll not only prove to you that Plummy is innocent but why.
To be continued …