Jokes
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- Paul Victory
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Re: Jokes
Love it! Serves him right!Grobi wrote:post-8298-0-78246900-1473696861.jpg
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- zootMutant
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Re: Jokes
That was an offal food pun, Paul.Paul Victory wrote:Love it! Serves him right!
- zootMutant
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Re: Jokes
A rabbi, a farmer's daughter, and a dog walk into a bar...
The bartender looks up and says, "What? Is this a joke?"
The bartender looks up and says, "What? Is this a joke?"
- Grobi
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Re: Jokes
A couple were Christmas shopping. The shopping center was packed , and as the wife walked through one of the malls she was surprised when she looked around to find that her husband was nowhere to be seen. She was quite upset because they had a lot to do and so she became so worried that she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he was.
In a quiet voice he said, "Do you remember the jewelers we went into about five years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we couldn't afford, and I told you that I would get it for you one day?"
The wife choked up and started to cry and said, "Yes, I do remember that shop."
He replied, "Well, I'm in the pub next door."
In a quiet voice he said, "Do you remember the jewelers we went into about five years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we couldn't afford, and I told you that I would get it for you one day?"
The wife choked up and started to cry and said, "Yes, I do remember that shop."
He replied, "Well, I'm in the pub next door."
Athletes row, others just play games
Peter
55y, 1,89m, 85kg
Peter
55y, 1,89m, 85kg
- plummy
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Re: Jokes
Yep - I thought it was funnyGrobi wrote:Men and women might have a fundamentally different opinion on this one
61 yrs old, 81kg, 5' 10"
43Mm metres rowed. Re-setting the bar much lower now. Getting too old and brittle for this malarky
43Mm metres rowed. Re-setting the bar much lower now. Getting too old and brittle for this malarky
- Jill
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Re: Jokes
Grobi wrote:Men and women might have a fundamentally different opinion on this one
plummy wrote:Yep - I thought it was funny
CamiCrew wrote:So not funny.
Oh dear Peter. Now look what you've started.CamiCrew wrote:I did too. I just like to cause Peter trouble.
Q. What makes a man think about dinner by candlelight?
A. A power cut.
- CamiCrew
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Re: Jokes
Jill - now that's very funny!
Especially because the scene last weekend was me, crawling up in the attic on rafters, in 1/2 inch of dust, expecting giant spiders to grab me at any moment, watching out for the nails about to spear me in the head, and searching for leaky spots in the roof. (Finally, the rain.) Jack, meanwhile, was supervising from the top of the ladder. Then he says "honey, since you're up there, could you replace all the attic lightbulbs with LEDs?
My only comment was "how many husbands does it take to change a lightbulb?" He replied "NONE if your wife is already crawling in the attic!"
Especially because the scene last weekend was me, crawling up in the attic on rafters, in 1/2 inch of dust, expecting giant spiders to grab me at any moment, watching out for the nails about to spear me in the head, and searching for leaky spots in the roof. (Finally, the rain.) Jack, meanwhile, was supervising from the top of the ladder. Then he says "honey, since you're up there, could you replace all the attic lightbulbs with LEDs?
My only comment was "how many husbands does it take to change a lightbulb?" He replied "NONE if your wife is already crawling in the attic!"
-barbara
F Hwt 53 yrs 5'10"
F Hwt 53 yrs 5'10"
- zootMutant
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Re: Jokes
CamiCrew wrote:My only comment was "how many husbands does it take to change a lightbulb?" He replied "NONE if your wife is already crawling in the attic!"
- CamiCrew
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Re: Jokes
Tonight before dinner Jack was chatting with Siri (I know, don't ask ) and she actually came up with a good one. Reminded me of Zoot's, above.
The past, present and future walk into a bar.
It was tense.
The past, present and future walk into a bar.
It was tense.
-barbara
F Hwt 53 yrs 5'10"
F Hwt 53 yrs 5'10"
- Jill
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Re: Jokes
=D>CamiCrew wrote:Tonight before dinner Jack was chatting with Siri (I know, don't ask ) and she actually came up with a good one. Reminded me of Zoot's, above.
The past, present and future walk into a bar.
It was tense.
Barbara, don’t you just ‘ lurve ‘ puns.
For the last 40 odd years, Richard and I have listened to a very popular, BBC Radio 4 comedy quiz programme, called I’m Sorry I Haven’t A Clue - ( also billed as The Antidote To Panel Games ).
It’s ‘ kinda ‘ silly …
One of the most popular rounds is called The Uxbridge English Dictionary - the English language is constantly changing ( apparently ) and the panellists have to think of words that could have new or alternative definitions.
Here are a few entries - not exactly puns but still a play on words.
Algorithm - Former Vice President on drums
Allocate - How to greet the Duchess of Cambridge - Think Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins
Aperitif - Cockney Dentures - Think Dick Van Dyke ...
Biro - To purchase fish eggs
Bulletin - I’ve been shot
Carpentry - A way in for ornamental fish
Chiropractice - Getting ready to go to Egypt
Dreadlocks - A fear of canals
Dynamite - To take a flea out to lunch
Exchequer - Someone who counts the kisses on an email
Eyeliner - A big ship made by Apple
Forebear - Look out, there’s a bear on the golf course
Founder member - The result of rummaging in your boxer shorts - Okay, I’ll go and sit on the ‘ naughty step ‘.
Huggermugger - One step up from Hug a Hoodie - H a H was a request attributed to David Cameron when he suggested that young criminals who wore them were misunderstood.
Humanitarian - Someone who only eats people
Jigsaw - Chafing that affects the cast of Riverdance
Robot - An occupational disease of oarsmen
Rumania - A worrying over-fondness for kangaroos
Satire - Seated in a more elevated position
Suffragette - Ryanair
Tendentious - Five pictures of false teeth
Terpsichorean - Kim-Jong-un’s paintbrush cleaner
Unfettered - Without Greek cheese
Winnebago - A horse with a bad back
Enough!
- Paul Victory
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Re: Jokes
Seriously, Jill? Go and stand in the naughty corner!
M 68 6'1" 124kg (May05), 92kg (Feb06), 122kg (Aug10), 95kg (Sep11), 117kg (Jun13), now 98kg
- Jill
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Re: Jokes
Okay Gov. It's a ' fair cop '.Paul Victory wrote:Seriously, Jill? Go and stand in the naughty corner!
Mmmm ... Hang on ... Having read all the entries on this thread ... I'm not the only one who should be standing in the naughty corner ...