The Difference Between Cats and Dogs

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billwright
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The Difference Between Cats and Dogs

Post by billwright »

http://biggeekdad.com/2013/04/the-diffe ... -and-dogs/

The last 5 seconds is a hoot! :lol:

Bill :fswink: :fswink:
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Paul Victory
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Re: The Difference Between Cats and Dogs

Post by Paul Victory »

:lol: :lol: :lol:
M 68 6'1" 124kg (May05), 92kg (Feb06), 122kg (Aug10), 95kg (Sep11), 117kg (Jun13), now 98kg
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Re: The Difference Between Cats and Dogs

Post by Scoop »

My son couldn't stop laughing at the end :lol: Thanks Bill.

I've been saving this for an occasion and here it is. These are of course joke instructions. I have never given a cat a tablet and I never intend to try.

HOW TO GIVE A CAT A TABLET

(I am not sure who wrote this but it made me laugh).

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while holding wooden ruler above mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrapper. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurine and vase from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8 Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to hold cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill inside end of drinking straw, prise mouth open and blow down drinking straw.

9) Check instructions to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10) Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door gently onto neck, to leave head showing. Gently push mouth open with a spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whisky compress to cheek to disinfect. Throw blood-stained T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12) Call fire brigade to retrieve the cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.

13) Lie cat on it’s back with a blanket over its’ paws. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak filet. Hold head vertically and pour a drop of water down throat to wash pill down.

14) Have another scotch. Get spouse to drive you to A & E, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Visit furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15) Arrange for RSPCA to collect "mutant cat from hell" and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

HOW TO GIVE A DOG A TABLET

1) Wrap it in cheese.
Laurence M 50 116.2kg 6'5" Started 17 Jan 2009
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zootMutant
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Re: The Difference Between Cats and Dogs

Post by zootMutant »

:lol: :lol: :lol:
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