Jokes

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dr3do
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Re: Jokes

Post by dr3do » Mon Jun 13, 2016 4:41 am

[FACE WITH TEARS OF JOY]

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Grobi
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Re: Jokes

Post by Grobi » Thu Sep 15, 2016 3:05 pm

post-8298-0-78246900-1473696861.jpg
post-8298-0-78246900-1473696861.jpg (94.58 KiB) Viewed 2104 times
Athletes row, others just play games

Peter

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Re: Jokes

Post by Paul Victory » Thu Sep 15, 2016 3:17 pm

Grobi wrote:post-8298-0-78246900-1473696861.jpg
Love it! :lol: :lol: :lol: Serves him right!
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Re: Jokes

Post by zootMutant » Fri Sep 16, 2016 12:41 am

Paul Victory wrote:Love it! :lol: :lol: :lol: Serves him right!
That was an offal food pun, Paul. #-o
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Re: Jokes

Post by CamiCrew » Fri Sep 16, 2016 12:58 am

No Peter. [-X :evil: [-X

Try another. A good one this time. .

:D
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Re: Jokes

Post by Jill » Fri Sep 16, 2016 7:19 am

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Yes Peter, the joke was a ' grave mistake ' and should have been ' buried ' long ago. :fsgrin: :fswink:

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Re: Jokes

Post by Peter_S » Fri Sep 16, 2016 7:41 am

You guys are killing me! :twisted:

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Re: Jokes

Post by Jill » Fri Sep 16, 2016 8:27 am

Peter_S wrote:You guys are killing me!
:lol: :lol: :lol:

Don't worry Peter, you'll be fine ... Unless you start ' coffin '... :shock:

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Re: Jokes

Post by zootMutant » Thu Oct 06, 2016 1:36 am

A rabbi, a farmer's daughter, and a dog walk into a bar...

The bartender looks up and says, "What? Is this a joke?"
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Re: Jokes

Post by Grobi » Wed Feb 08, 2017 1:43 pm

A couple were Christmas shopping. The shopping center was packed , and as the wife walked through one of the malls she was surprised when she looked around to find that her husband was nowhere to be seen. She was quite upset because they had a lot to do and so she became so worried that she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he was.

In a quiet voice he said, "Do you remember the jewelers we went into about five years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we couldn't afford, and I told you that I would get it for you one day?"

The wife choked up and started to cry and said, "Yes, I do remember that shop."

He replied, "Well, I'm in the pub next door."
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Re: Jokes

Post by CamiCrew » Thu Feb 09, 2017 8:09 am

So not funny.

[-X
-barbara

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Re: Jokes

Post by Grobi » Thu Feb 09, 2017 9:56 am

Men and women might have a fundamentally different opinion on this one :D
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Re: Jokes

Post by plummy » Thu Feb 09, 2017 10:01 am

Grobi wrote:Men and women might have a fundamentally different opinion on this one :D
Yep - I thought it was funny :D
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Re: Jokes

Post by CamiCrew » Thu Feb 09, 2017 8:17 pm

I did too. :-$ :-$ I just like to cause Peter trouble.
-barbara

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Re: Jokes

Post by Jill » Thu Feb 09, 2017 11:12 pm

Grobi wrote:Men and women might have a fundamentally different opinion on this one
:D
plummy wrote:Yep - I thought it was funny
:D
CamiCrew wrote:So not funny.
[-X :cry: :wink:
CamiCrew wrote:I did too. :-$ :-$ I just like to cause Peter trouble.
Oh dear Peter. Now look what you've started. #-o :lol: :wink:

Q. What makes a man think about dinner by candlelight?
A. A power cut.

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Re: Jokes

Post by CamiCrew » Fri Feb 10, 2017 6:44 am

Jill - now that's very funny! :wink:

Especially because the scene last weekend was me, crawling up in the attic on rafters, in 1/2 inch of dust, expecting giant spiders to grab me at any moment, watching out for the nails about to spear me in the head, and searching for leaky spots in the roof. (Finally, the rain.) Jack, meanwhile, was supervising from the top of the ladder. Then he says "honey, since you're up there, could you replace all the attic lightbulbs with LEDs? :evil: ](*,) :idea:

My only comment was "how many husbands does it take to change a lightbulb?" He replied "NONE if your wife is already crawling in the attic!" :lol:
-barbara

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Re: Jokes

Post by Ian Bee » Fri Feb 10, 2017 11:11 am

Man 1: "Do you go all the way on the first date?"
Man 2: "No, but I once went half way on the second banana"
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Re: Jokes

Post by zootMutant » Sat Feb 11, 2017 4:11 am

CamiCrew wrote:My only comment was "how many husbands does it take to change a lightbulb?" He replied "NONE if your wife is already crawling in the attic!" :lol:
:lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: Jokes

Post by Grobi » Sat Feb 11, 2017 3:34 pm

CamiCrew wrote:I did too. :-$ :-$ I just like to cause Peter trouble.
I saw that! 8)
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Re: Jokes

Post by CamiCrew » Tue May 09, 2017 5:40 am

Tonight before dinner Jack was chatting with Siri (I know, don't ask :roll:) and she actually came up with a good one. Reminded me of Zoot's, above.

The past, present and future walk into a bar.
It was tense.


\:D/
-barbara

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Re: Jokes

Post by Jill » Sun May 14, 2017 3:26 pm

CamiCrew wrote:Tonight before dinner Jack was chatting with Siri (I know, don't ask ) and she actually came up with a good one. Reminded me of Zoot's, above.

The past, present and future walk into a bar.
It was tense.
:lol: =D>

Barbara, don’t you just ‘ lurve ‘ puns. :)

For the last 40 odd years, Richard and I have listened to a very popular, BBC Radio 4 comedy quiz programme, called I’m Sorry I Haven’t A Clue - ( also billed as The Antidote To Panel Games ).

It’s ‘ kinda ‘ silly … :roll: :fsbgrin: :fswink:

One of the most popular rounds is called The Uxbridge English Dictionary - the English language is constantly changing ( apparently ) and the panellists have to think of words that could have new or alternative definitions.

Here are a few entries - not exactly puns but still a play on words.

Algorithm - Former Vice President on drums
Allocate - How to greet the Duchess of Cambridge - Think Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins
Aperitif - Cockney Dentures - Think Dick Van Dyke ...

Biro - To purchase fish eggs
Bulletin - I’ve been shot

Carpentry - A way in for ornamental fish
Chiropractice - Getting ready to go to Egypt

Dreadlocks - A fear of canals
Dynamite - To take a flea out to lunch

Exchequer - Someone who counts the kisses on an email
Eyeliner - A big ship made by Apple

Forebear - Look out, there’s a bear on the golf course
Founder member - The result of rummaging in your boxer shorts - Okay, I’ll go and sit on the ‘ naughty step ‘. [-X :fsbgrin: :fswink:

Huggermugger - One step up from Hug a Hoodie - H a H was a request attributed to David Cameron when he suggested that young criminals who wore them were misunderstood.

Humanitarian - Someone who only eats people

Jigsaw - Chafing that affects the cast of Riverdance

Robot - An occupational disease of oarsmen
Rumania - A worrying over-fondness for kangaroos

Satire - Seated in a more elevated position
Suffragette - Ryanair

Tendentious - Five pictures of false teeth
Terpsichorean - Kim-Jong-un’s paintbrush cleaner

Unfettered - Without Greek cheese

Winnebago - A horse with a bad back

Enough! :fsbgrin: :fswink:

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Re: Jokes

Post by CamiCrew » Sun May 14, 2017 8:32 pm

Jill all of those are groaners but I take particular issue with "robot" [-X
-barbara

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Re: Jokes

Post by Jill » Sun May 14, 2017 9:44 pm

CamiCrew wrote:Jill all of those are groaners but I take particular issue with "robot"
I'll get my coat ... :-({|= :fsbgrin: :fswink:

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Re: Jokes

Post by Paul Victory » Sun May 14, 2017 10:57 pm

Seriously, Jill? Go and stand in the naughty corner!
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Re: Jokes

Post by Jill » Mon May 15, 2017 8:35 am

Paul Victory wrote:Seriously, Jill? Go and stand in the naughty corner!
Okay Gov. It's a ' fair cop '. :oops: :lol:

:-k Mmmm ... :idea: Hang on ... Having read all the entries on this thread ... I'm not the only one who should be standing in the naughty corner ... :shock: :fsbgrin: :fswink:

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