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plummy
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Jokes / Funny Stories

Post by plummy »

I had a look for a thread for Jokes but only found an old one re Tommy Cooper jokes so decided a new one may be a quick distraction from the day to day erging. I remember reading this ages ago and thought it really, really funny. It's not 100% clean re language but not smutty so be warned. Anyone else want to add funny stories, or jokes they've heard/found - post away:



Texas Chili Cook Off


INEXPERIENCED CHILI JUDGE


Notes From An Inexperienced Chili Tester Named FRANK, who was visiting
Texas from the East Coast: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a
judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last
moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking
directions to the beer wagon, when the call came.

I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili
wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they told me I could have free
beer during the tasting. So I accepted."

Here are the scorecards from the event:

_________________________________________________________

CHILI # 1 MIKE'S MANIAC MOBSTER MONSTER CHILI

JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.

JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.

FRANK: Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried
paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope
that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

_________________________________________________________

CHILI # 2 ARTHUR'S AFTERBURNER CHILI

JUDGE ONE: Smokey, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.

JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken
seriously.

FRANK: Keep this out of the reach of children I'm not sure what I am
supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to
give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they
saw the look on my face.
__________________________________________________________

CHILI # 3 FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI

JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans.

JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers.

FRANK: Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I
have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now get me more
beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is
in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from all the beer.
____________________________________________________________

CHILI # 4 BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC

JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or
other mild foods, not much of a chili.

FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to
taste it, is it possible to burnout taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was
standing behind me with fresh refills; that 300 lb. Bitch is starting to
look HOT, just like this nuclear waste I'm eating. Is chili an
aphrodisiac?

_______________________________________________________

CHILI # 5 LINDA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER

JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding
considerable kick. Very Impressive.

JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit
the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

FRANK: My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can
no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed
paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili
had given me brain damage, Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring
beer directly on it from a pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off?
It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming.
Screw those rednecks!
________________________________________________________

CHILI # 6 VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY

JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice
and peppers.

JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic.
Superb.

FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous,
sulfuric flames. I shit myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat
through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that
slut Sally. She must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips
anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone!
___________________________________________________

CHILI # 7 SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI

JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of
chili peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried
about Judge Number 3, He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is
cursing uncontrollably.

FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't
feel a damn thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like
it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid
unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like shit to match my
damn shirt. At least during the autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've
decided to stop breathing; it's too painful. Screw it. I'm not getting
any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch
hole in my stomach.
____________________________________________________

CHILI # 8 LESTER'S LAST OF THE RED-HOT LOVER'S CHILI

JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili, safe for all,
not too bold but spicy enough to declare it's existence.

JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor
hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 passed
out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure
if he's going to make it. Poor Yank, wonder how he'd have reacted to a
really hot chili?
60 yrs old, 76kg, 5' 10"
43Mm metres rowed. Re-setting the bar much lower now. Getting too old for this malarky
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Post by Pepe »

Hot stuff, Plummy.
And now for something completely different:

A lady wrote this letter to her bank. The bank manager thought it sufficiently amusing to have it published in The Times.

Dear Sir

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting my cheque and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years. You are to be commended for taking advantage of that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account 50 pounds by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.

I noticed that, whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded and faceless entity which your bank has become. From now on, I, like you, choose to deal only with a flesh and blood person. My mortgage and loan payment will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank by cheque, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.

Be aware that it is an offence under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete. I regret that it runs to eight pages but, in order that I may know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.

Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a solicitor, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits, but again, I have modelled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Allow me to level the playing field even further. When you call me, press the buttons as follows:

1. To make an appointment to see me.
2. To query a missing payment.
3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am answering a call of nature.
6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
7. To leave the message on my computer (a password to access my computer is required). A password will be sent to you at a later date to the Authorised Contract.
8. To return to the main menu and listen to options 1 through to 8.
9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

May I wish you a Happy, if ever so slightly less Prosperous New Year.

Your humble client.
Philip Price 89 Lwt. 68 kg. 176 cm. “Rather than rust I’ll wear out.”
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Post by stumpy »

=D> =D> =D>
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Post by jbh »

Plummy - brilliant! I didn't want it to stop :lol: :lol: :lol: ^O^
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Post by billwright »

A Blonde goes to Heaven


A Blonde was sent on her way to Heaven. Upon arrival, a concerned St
Peter met her at the Pearly Gates. 'I'm sorry,' St Peter said; 'But
Heaven is suffering from an overload of godly souls and we have been forced to
put up an Entrance Exam for new arrivals to ease the burden of Heavenly
Arrivals.'

'That's cool' said the Blonde, 'What does the Entrance Exam consist
of?'

'Just three questions' said St Peter.

'Which are?' asked the Blonde.

'The first,' said St Peter, 'is, which two days of the week start with
the letter 'T' '? The second is 'How many seconds are there in a year?'


The third is 'What was the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?'

'Now,' said St Peter, 'Go away and think about those questions and when I
call upon you, I shall expect you to have those answers for me.'

So the Blonde went away and gave those three questions some considerable
thought (I expect you to do the same).

The following morning, St Peter called upon the Blonde and asked if she
had considered the questions, to which she replied, 'I have.'

'Well then,' said St Peter, 'Which two days of the week start with the
letter T?'

The Blonde said, 'Today and Tomorrow.'

St Peter pondered this answer for some time, and decided that indeed the
answer can be applied to the question.

'Well then, could I have your answer to the second of the three
questions?' St Peter went on, 'how many seconds in a year?'

The Blonde replied, 'Twelve!'

'Only twelve?' exclaimed St Peter, 'How did you arrive at that figure?'

'Easy,' said the Blonde, 'there's the second of January, the second of
February, right through to the second of December, giving a total of twelve
seconds.'

St Peter looked at the Blonde and said, 'I need some time to consider
your answer before I can give you a decision.' And he walked away shaking
his head.

A short time later, St Peter returned to the Blonde. 'I'll allow the
answer to stand, but you need to get the third and final question absolutely
correct to be allowed into Heaven. Now, can you tell me the answer to the
name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?'

The blonde replied: 'Of the three questions, I found this the easiest to
answer.'

'Really!' exclaimed St Peter, 'And what is the answer?'

'It's Andy.'

'Andy??'

'Yes, Andy,' said the Blonde.

This totally floored St Peter, and he paced this way and that,
deliberating the answer. Finally, he could not stand the suspense any
longer, and
turning to the blonde, asked 'How in God's name did you arrive at THAT
answer?'

'Easy' said the Blonde, 'Andy sat, Andy watched, Andy waited til his
billy boiled.'

And the Blonde entered Heaven...




... you're singing it now, aren't you!!
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Post by webberg »

The blonde is at the breakfast table, in tears, looking at the picture of the tiger but having no idea how to finish the jigsaw.

Finally, in desperation, she calls her boyfriend.

Distraught at her state, the boyfried hurries round - "What's the problem?"

"I can't do the jigsaw - I can't do the jigsaw - I'm so stupid!!"

"No love, don't worry, just put the Frosties back in the box and try another one later!"

(For our non UK people, Frosties are a breakfast cereal with a Tiger on the box).
Uphill to the finish

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Post by whizzer »

:lol: :lol:
50 y.o - 178 cm - 77kgs (up 2kg since 19/05/10) .
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Post by JonathanA »

Five rules for a man to lead a Happy Life...

1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.

4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.

5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other


...well it made me smile. What can I say, I'm unwell and bored.
JonathanA | more pedalling than pulling at the moment
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Post by Daffy »

Made me laugh a lot! :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Post by plummy »

New Company Policies...

Dress code:
You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary:

If we see you wearing Prada's shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will
assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
If you dress poorly, you need to manage your money better, so that
you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore do not need a raise
If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and
therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness.
If you are able to go to the doctor; you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will recieve 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for
dead friends, relatives, or coworkers.
Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.
In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary: the funeral should be scheduled in the late
afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch break hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a
strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes,
an alarm will sound, the toilet paper will retract, the stall door will
open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your
picture will be posted ont eh company bulletin board under the "Chronic
Offenders" category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
sectioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Breaks:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so they can look healthy.
Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast.
60 yrs old, 76kg, 5' 10"
43Mm metres rowed. Re-setting the bar much lower now. Getting too old for this malarky
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Post by Paul Victory »

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person... because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!"

The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!"

Paul V
M 68 6'1" 124kg (May05), 92kg (Feb06), 122kg (Aug10), 95kg (Sep11), 117kg (Jun13), now 98kg
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Post by andy walls »

:lol: :lol: :lol:
41 yrs, HWT, If you are going through hell, keep going - Winston Churchill

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Post by cweed »

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

WOMEN'S REVENGE
'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles..
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes,
and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own...so does she...

(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)

WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position..
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'

WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day: 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'

WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'
Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.'
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says:
'HEBREWS'

The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.'
He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up..'

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
Christine - 46, 5'8" lightweight...only when I really need to be.
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Post by plummy »

ScreenHunter_09 Jan. 28 10.05.gif
ScreenHunter_09 Jan. 28 10.05.gif (212.96 KiB) Viewed 2840 times
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Post by stumpy »

Oh dear me, just like to say that that Mr Bradley is no relation to me :lol: I think.
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Post by Scoop »

Nice one Dave.

Reminds me of the old "I've just seen the Archbishop of Canterbury on rollerskates" classic :lol: (What do you mean, you don't know it?!)
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'Tis not the eating, nor 'tis not the drinking that is to be blamed, but the excess. John Seldon
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Post by Scoop »

Actually, I've never looked at this thread before - some real corkers.

Here's one that tickled me :

A family of balloons is in bed. Mummy and Daddy Balloon are asleep but Baby Balloon is too hot stuck in between them and he can't sleep.

Baby Balloon starts to fidget. Feeling around he suddenly realises that he's got a little valve on the top of his head. Baby balloon pulls it.

HISSSSSS - he lets some air out and he starts to giggle.

Then Baby balloon looks over to Mummy Balloon and sees that she has also got a little valve on her head. So he reaches across and pulls it.

HISSSSSS - he lets some air out of Mummy and he starts to giggle.

Needless to say, Baby Balloon looks across to Daddy Balloon and sees that he too has got a valve on top of his head. So he reaches across and pulls.

HISSSSSS

But the noise wakes up Daddy Balloon with a start! He jumps up and suddenly realises the horror of what has happened. Grabbing Baby Balloon by the scruff of the neck he shouts :

"You silly little fool! Do you realise what you've done? Not only have you let me down, but you've let your Mother down and you've let yourself down"

Boom Boom
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Fall down seven times, get up eight. Japanese Proverb.
'Tis not the eating, nor 'tis not the drinking that is to be blamed, but the excess. John Seldon
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Post by Scoop »

And whilst I'm here ... (this one is quite old so apologies to those who know it)

A very upper class lady visits her doctor.

"Now then Mrs Fanshaw. What can I do for you today?" he asks.

"Well, Doctor, its ... well, rather embarrassing. You see, I've been struck down with the most dreadful, violent, noxious and unpredictable flatulence."

Mrs Fanshaw then proceeds to prove that her symptoms are not imaginary by filling the room with acrid fumes from a series of ear-shattering staccato bursts from her bottom.

"Oh, I say Doctor. I'm most dreadfully sorry" she laments.

"No problem Mrs Fanshaw. I'm sure I can help you."

With this the doctor goes to a large cupboard behind his desk. He opens the door and takes out a six foot long pole with a large hook on the end.

Poor Mrs Fanshaw breaks down in tears.

"Oh Doctor!" she screams. "What are you going to do?"

"Well first" he replies, "I'm going to open some windows!"

Ok, I'll go now.
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'Tis not the eating, nor 'tis not the drinking that is to be blamed, but the excess. John Seldon
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Post by JonathanA »

Why I fired my Secretary.

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning.

I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, 'Happy Birthday!', and possibly have a small present for me.

As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone ' Happy Birthday.'

I thought...

Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids...They will remember.

My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, 'Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday ! 'It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock, when Jane knocked on my door and said, 'You know, It's such a beautiful day outside,and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me.' I said, 'Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day.

Let's go !'

We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. She chose instead at a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office, Jane said, 'You know, It's such a beautiful day...We don't need to go straight back to the office, Do We ?'

I responded, 'I guess not. What do you have in mind ?'She said, 'Let's drop by my apartment, it's just around the corner.' After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said,' Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back.' 'Ok.' I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake ...Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing 'Happy Birthday'.



And I just sat there...





On the couch...













Naked.
JonathanA | more pedalling than pulling at the moment
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Daffy
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Re: Jokes / Funny Stories

Post by Daffy »

Nice one! Chuckling lots! :lol:
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Re: Jokes / Funny Stories

Post by Scoop »

Very brave of you to share such a personal story with us J - did she sue for unfair dismissal? :lol:
Laurence M 50 116.2kg 6'5" Started 17 Jan 2009
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Re: Jokes / Funny Stories

Post by stumpy »

:lol: good one that, perfect spacing too.
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Re: Jokes / Funny Stories

Post by KiwiCan »

HAVING MOM OVER FOR DINNER

You don't even have to be a mother to enjoy this one...

Ben invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Ben's mother couldn't help but notice how beautiful Ben's roommate, Jennifer, was. Ben's Mom had long been suspicious of the platonic relationship between Ben and Jennifer, and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Ben and Jennifer than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, Ben volunteered, 'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Jennifer and I are just roommates.'

About a week later, Jennifer came to Ben saying, 'Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?'

Ben said, 'Well, I doubt it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to be sure. So he sat down and wrote:
__________________________________________________________

Dear Mom,

I'm not saying that you 'did' take the gravy ladle from the house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love, Ben
__________________________________________________________

Several days later, Ben received an email back from his mother that read:
____________________________________________________

Dear Son,

I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Jennifer, I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Jennifer. But the fact remains that if Jennifer is sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.

Love, Mom

LESSON OF THE DAY - NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER [-X [-X
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Re: Jokes / Funny Stories

Post by stumpy »

:lol: :lol: :lol:
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