Doctor Erg is IN - Please post your problem

[Dr Erg]

Hello everyone.
My name is Doctor Erg.

I specialise in problems, issues and troubles you have with your Erging. Nothing too personal, private or sensitive for me to answer.

Simply post your problem here and Doctor Erg will help you.

Now...come into my surgery...and sit on my couch.....and tell me ALL about it....

[webberg]

Dear Dr Erg,

I have this waking dream in which a mythical character called MetreBoard talks to me in exciting ways but never delivers just makes more and more demands.

Can you tell me if this creature really exists and if so, who is it?

Should I give in to these demands and will I feel better but lose my self respect if I do?

Please help me dr Erg.

[Dr Erg]

Dear Webberg,

How long have you been having these fantasies about this mythical person called MeterBoard?

You may be suffering from a medical condition known as ROD (Rows Occasional Days). This leave you pining for more rowing and tends to cause hallucinations such as believing inanimate objects (such as the team MeterBoard) is in fact a person and talks back to you.

The known cure which works in the majority of cases is to take the RED pills (Rows Every Day). One of my other patients Jessica-RED has done this and speaks highly of the results.

Try it and let me know how you get on.
I recommend 5 km, taken 3 times a day, 7 days a week to start with.

This should also help with the self respect.
If not, come back and we can up the dosage.

Best Wishes,

MeterBoard, oh , er, ahem....I mean Dr Erg.



Next patient, please.....

[Thomas W-P]

Dr Erg

I started my new marathon programme this week, and despite a day off yesterday I am feeling totally shattered.

I have got a parents' evening tonight, taking the whole of year 8 to the Science Museum tomorrow followed by a meeting, I have 46 reports to write and 42 pieces of GCSE coursework to mark too.

The question is - how am I going to cope with all this and rowing too? Feeling a bit down at the moment.

[Dr Erg]

Dear Thomas,

Yes a common problem for us all in a modern world.
If only we could choose when we wanted to do things.
Do you feel like "What's the point" sometimes?
Do you feel like you are walking up a down escalator?
(So do I - wonder what it is)

My advice to you:

How do you eat an elephant? A bite at a time
Take a longer term view - most of this stuff will be over and done with in a couple of days.
Make a list. Estimate the time to do each bit. Prioritise it.
Can you give any of it to someone else to help with?
Look at your WANTS vs NEEDS
Prioritise based on what you are going to get your @rse kicked for.
Make more time for yourself by doing things more efficiently (row faster).

Or:

Ignore all of this and go and do what you like to do!

Or:

I'll sign you off for a week with stress, recommending strenuous physical exercise, viz:

Take 2 x 21,097m - one before lunch one before dinner 5 days a week.



Hope that helps.

Next patient....please...

[MaxDev]

Please Dr.Erg, do you have a qualification in psychiatry? I'm in need of some help... I think I may be suffering from obsessive compulsive disorder.

I can't stop watching the Meter Board. When I'm denied access to the internet, I get panic attacks about how I may have slipped a place during the day.

Seeing a red arrow next to my name brings me out in a cold sweat and palpitations, and the only remedy I've been able to find up till now is to stay on the erg until there's at least 20K between me and the next person down the board.

Is there any hope for me?

Max

[Jessica-Red]

Good evening Dr Erg

today I trained and discussed nutrition with Mr Gooner

he really put me through my paces

my lady bumps are getting in my way and they have to GO!

how do I reduce them as fast as poss please Dr????

[Jessica-Red]

PS
please Dr may I LIE on the couch insetad of just sitting!?

[Dr Erg]

Dear Maxim,

I am qualified in most things - so don't worry...

Most people that erg are associated with obsession.
The need to be the best, to do more, to beat everyone else.
No matter how much you do, you will always want more.
My question is - and what is wrong with that.
As long as you are doing no-one else any harm, that's cool.

You feel that MeterBoard nagging away saying come and look at me every hour. To get some sleep, you need to build in a cushion of 2-3 days worth of rowing between you and the guys/girls below you. Then you will sleep at night....and get your fix to keep you happy for a while.

Take 1 spoonful of Ironar$e each day for the next 5 days.
1 Ironar$se = 50km.

Sleep well...

[Dr Erg]

Yes...Welcome.

Come into my surgery - take your clothes off and let me examine you. Ah...hmm, Umm, Eeh. Uh....HUH!

Right I feel better now.

What was your problem? .... ah yes. Lady bumps.
Me thinks Gooner is teasing you (as if?).

Most of the power in rowing will come from your legs anyway.
So the lady bumps shouldn't affect you too much.

If you really want to reduce them, I do a good sideline in massage.

Failing this as an attractive option... I prescribe...

....wait for it...


5 x 10km taken at intervals away from meals, 5 days a week.
The 2 other days of the week (mixed in with the 5), see if you can maintain 2 hours, with a break every 30 mins.

[Jessica-Red]

Many thanks Dr

Im so glad you enjoyed my examination!!!!

LOL

[steve the slug]

Dr Erg

i am quite happy at the moment, i have rowed more this month (& a week left) than i have the previous four months

How can you ensure that i keep this feeling and dont let it go away?

the slug

[Dr Erg]

Dear Slug,

It makes a change for someone to come for a consultation when they are on a high. Congratulations.

Try to compare what it was that you had last summer that you again have now - and what was different between the 2.

My suggestions. You need....

Something novel
Something competitive
Something fun
Some people to share in your feelings
Someone to wind up

Oh look - you have it all here.

First signs of not feeling so great - tell us. We'll be there!

If all that fails, try:

More food
More sex
More erging

...but not in that order necessarily!

Now take a cocktail of:

10km, 1km, 5km, 500m, 2km with 1 min rests in between
Repeat every other day for a week and see how you feel.

[Tom Barrick]

This one is a bit personal, Doc.

Even with the few days out sick, I've been rowing higher pieces, none usually under 15K or so. This leads to extreme sweating, which, in turn, leads to ... slight irritations on the (as the Brits would say) arse. The longer pieces are great in that weight loss is inevitable, but I tend to move around a lot on the seat toward the middle and end of the row, - I've adjusted the rollers for this (C2 calls it "the slop" factor), where they are allowed to gently sway back and forth a small amount, not a tight fit. I sometimes go through 3 clothing changes each day just to keep myself dryer, but after 2500m or so, the sweat begins once again, even with the fans surrounding me.

I usually row in nothing but a pair of shorts, so I was thinking a shirt would help. At the same time, I've done this in the past and end up getting all sorts of issues with my skin, on the torso, from the wear of the wet shirts, so I stopped using them altogether. Same with head bands and wrist bands.

Any words of advice, Docter? My *ss is in danger of killing me!

[Jessica-Red]

Good Morning Dr Erg

please may I take my medicine with a spoonful of sugar to help it go down and mprove my CTC time?

[Tom Barrick]

Good Morning Dr Erg

please may I take my medicine with a spoonful of sugar to help it go down and mprove my CTC time?

Doc Erg,

Please respond to Carole's post first as that is much more important.

[steve the slug]

Dr Erg

i have been in work since 7.00am this morning and i am still awaiting an answer, RU 24/7 or do i need to go through the NHS Helpline 080000000000000 they never answer either.

its doing my head in and its cold.

slug

[BorisZ]

Dr. Erg, whenever I erg more than two hours my butt hurts a lot, you know, like a good spanking, so can I have a pill so that does not happen anymore? Do you do house visits if so I have to clean up my trailerhome and and don't you be scared of my alarms, they're just a little rough with strangers, best if you brought gizzards for 'em then it'll be easier...

[Dr Erg]

Jessica Red,

I recommend honey - far better for you.
A spoonful in between each row to take away that (salty) taste!

N.B. As a diabetic please take any advice on taking sugar with caution. Sugars should not be taken on an empty stomach without a buffer first.

[Dr Erg]

Yes excessive sweating can be a problem.

Make sure you erg in a very well ventilated room with lots of fans.
This tends to vaporise the sweat.
Wear appropriate clothing that wicks the sweat away from your body and does not cling.

Suggest change of clothes every 10k.
Professional rowers row naked - but not usually in their local gym!

Don't drink TOO much water - try chewing gum instead to keep your mouth moist.

Perhaps drop the split slightly - it's all about the pacing so I'm told.

I prescribe:

7 x 10km every day with a change of clothes in between.

[Dr Erg]

I answered your problem at 10:16 pm.
Please see previous page.

If you need an eye test, I can refer you to an optician.

[Dr Erg]

Recommend C2 seat pad plus copious amounts of bubble wrap.

Rest every 30 mins - stretch your legs, rub your butt and towel down. It won't help, but it will sure look funny.

I don't do house visits, but can recommend a good vet that does discount for putting down several dogs at once!

[johnglynn]

Dr Erg, in this cold weather (0-5C) with recovery rows with good ventilation I don't sweat enough .

I am getting friction burns on my inner arms, from biceps rubbing against legs . When rowing longer then 30 mins these start getting painfull .

What should I do ?

---

Also when I'm here I thought I should ask you

When I row more meters then I'm used to, most of my muscles have this dull ache all the time . Is this normal ?

[Dr Erg]

Hello John,

Nice to hear from you.
It's good to see you trying something different from the shorter sprints - and you are right there are differences in what happens to the body.

Be careful of not sweating enough - make sure you are well hydrated before and during exercise. Without being too indelicate, the colour of urine afterwards is an indicator. Anything moving towards a yellowish colour indicates you are approaching dehydration. Are you drinking a minimum of 2 Litres of fresh water during the day?

On longer pieces you can get away with very slightly bent arms, not locking them which should keep them clear of your legs. keep knees close together as well. Experiment with footstraps in lowest position if they aren't already. You could also try baby oil on the legs...I'm sure Jessica-Red can help.

If this doesn't help, I could refer you to Dr Derrylad who specialises in people with the "larger" frame.

Dull ache is usually lactic acid stored up in your body after the workout. Make sure you keep warm afterwards with a long shower - or even better a sauna. Get the acid dispersed - and remove the aches.

If you are going for long metre clocking and not worried about the pace, do them a bit at a time...10km max, rest, dry off, walk around, drink, repeat....

Suggest:

3 x 10km intervals in he morning, repeated later in the day...

[johnglynn]

Thanks Dr Erg

I don't think hydration is the problem, I drink so much I end up going to the toilet more often then Jade says something stupid

"On longer pieces you can get away with very slightly bent arms, not locking them which should keep them clear of your legs."
- I'm trying to elimate bent arms in my stroke so I think I'll try the baby oil (or WD-40) on the legs . Hopefully Jessica-Red might give me a hand . But it's probably asking a bit much to ask to get a flight to Ireland every day when training . JR ?

Thanks on the Latic acid . I'll do the
3 x 10km intervals in he morning, repeated later in the day...
treatment each day for the next 2 weeks